Years ago, I attended some marketing seminar for work. I can't tell you what the program was about--only what the instructor said upon introducing himself to me. In response to the standard "how are you," he replied in a voice that was both booming and bright, "I'm positively positive." Which made my "I'm fine," from two seconds beforehand feel positively lame. Fine. That word is about as exciting as a room-temperature bowl of unflavored gelatin. It's the I'd-rather-not-say-and-I-don't-expect-you-to-understand-or-really-care response. And I'm guilty of this on thousands upon thousands of accounts. Not because things were or were not good. But because I didn't feel like sharing my truth. Feeling like I'd be judged as a Debbie Downer or a Perfect Pollyanna, I played it safe--unflavored gelatin safe--and gave my blasé answer. Sorry about that, world. Really, I'm not that boring.
But something happened a few Mondays back that changed all that. I came into work after everything happened and one of my coworkers innocently asked about my weekend. "Horrible," I replied and sat down. There was no hiding behind a "fine" that day. Or ever again. Tears pooled in my eyes and I told her the story. And there lies the turning point where I could readily identify "fine" as being anything but.
I've caught myself on a few occasions since, dialing down my old standby to an "okay" or an "alright." Same difference. Sometimes, yes--it's a cop-out. Other times I know we're both in a rush and one or two syllables are all we've got time for right then. But when appropriate, I've been getting much more truthful with my responses. I'm acknowledging the challenges, but balancing them with something hopeful and honest. Like this:
"I'm really sad about my relationship coming to an end, but I found a great new place to live that's a half-mile from one of my favorite yoga studios. And now that I have a monthly unlimited pass, I'll be there all the time."
"Fine" is a conversation killer, but the honest and open version is full of substance and talking points. And it's that kind of substance that's going to build connections between people. So, how about we commit to adding a double shot of truth to our pleasantries? I'll start.
