A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Acceptance

June 3, 2009 Holly Sivec

LITTOF My friend Jami recently brought my attention to this blog: Love in the Time of Foreclosure. It's the open-book documentation of a husband and wife out in California who are staring into the eyes of foreclosure and figuring out how to get by on so, so, so much less than before. Heartbreaking, huh? But here's the kicker: they're happier than ever before.

Like one of my favorite (mostly nonfiction) books from the 1990s, Dave Eggers' A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, the author of LITTOF is moving ahead and only looking forward. There's not a lot for any of us to gain by playing the What If game, is there?

So, how in the the face of such adversity do you find happily ever after? Well, for starters, you change the way you define your own happiness. ASAP. A few months back, I scribbled down this quote from an interview with Michael J. Fox, who said:

"Happiness grows in direct proportion to your acceptance and inverse proportion to your expectations. This is what I have today . . . I don't have a choice about this, but I have a million other choices. And if I choose well, I'm going to be a happy person."

Fox recently authored a book of his own, Always Looking Up: The Adventures of an Incurable Optimist, which is all about his way of viewing challenges as opportunities. Look up or lose out, I say. Give up fighting, but don't give up on the fight.

Accept. Surrender. Make lemonade. Whatever you want to call it. Just don't call it a loss. Maybe its just the beleaguered breadwinner in me talking, but adversity is one heck of an influential teacher, don't you think. (Though, for the record, I think I'm ready to graduate . . .)

Related posts: Plenty Is a Mindset The Haves and the Have Nots

Quotation: On Happiness . . .

April 11, 2009 Holly Sivec

200905-omag-blowing-bubbles-220x312 Today was the perfect lazy Saturday. The pouring rain, chilly temperature, and dark sky all beckoning me to hunker in on the couch with a pot of tea and a new magazine. And that's exactly what I did. Me and my May issue of O magazine. Cover to cover. A good three hours.

I bookmarked page 171 because I came across this quote that perfectly captures the spirit of good karma housekeeping:

"The essence of happiness is that feeling of engagement with the world and with other people."

Yes! Yes! A thousand times, yes.

There's plenty of room in my memory for experiences--but my closets, drawers, shelves, and cabinets just can't take on any more stuff.

Maybe it's part of growing up, or maybe it's just me realizing that the people in my life aren't always going to be here, but I'll take a great time over a great sweater any day. . .

> Read the article, What Really Makes People Happy, on oprah.com.

_________________________________________________________________________ © 2009 Good Karma Housekeeping. Making the space--mentally and physically--to live happily ever after. (Photo (c) 2009 Jupiterimages Corporation)

The Haves and the Have Nots

March 31, 2009 Holly Sivec

400happiness2 I used to have this pink tee shirt when I was a kid that had a big, glittery iron-on patch emblazoned on it. In between an up arrow and a down arrow were the words "Everything's going up but my allowance."

I hated that shirt, mostly because I didn't get an allowance. Now, to be fair, I didn't do anything around the house to warrant an allowance. But still, the grown-ups all thought the tee shirt was hilarious and adorable. I just felt like an impostor and did everything I could to avoid wearing that ridiculous shirt. All it did was remind me what I did not have, which made me feel different. And when you're nine years old, different is not good.

I spent many years of my life thinking that more was better. More toys. More clothes. More friends. More books. More rooms. More vacations. More money. In a literal sense, I was pretty well off. But figuratively speaking I felt poor. Even when I had plenty, it didn't feel like enough.

Enough for whom?

A few years (and a few thousand down dogs) ago, it finally started to make sense: stuff does not equal happiness. Simple but true. It's hard to keep sight of that when everyone I know seems to have jetted off somewhere tropical this winter, or is dressed in a new pair of designer jeans, or heading out for dinner and drinks. Stuff does Not. Equal. Happiness.

It's why I could have a cashmere sweater in every color that J.Crew offers, or a love-it size scoop of Cold Stone Creamery's Founder's Favorite ice cream (in a waffle bowl) every day of the week and still want for something more. Less is more. The less I want and the less I try to "keep up," the more fulfilled I feel. Simple as that. And if I can find someone who will appreciate my unneeded things--stuffed bunny rabbits, a freshwater pearl necklace, a box full of holiday decorations, and so on--well, that's what good karma housekeeping is all about.

I watched Michael J. Fox speak on Oprah today about what it's like living with a degenerative disease. Something he said stood out to me so much that I hit pause and rewind a few times just so I could scribble it all down:

Happiness grows in direct proportion to your acceptance and in inverse proportion to your expectations. . . . This is what I have today. I don't have a choice about this, but I have a million other choices. And if I choose well, I am going to be a happy person.

If the only real way to find happiness is to accept the reality that is today and fill it with the best option for whatever choices are in your control, well that's what living rich is all about.