Eating a bowl of soup alone at Panera while texting your ex, it's inevitable that tears will fall. They have to; gravity won't have it any other way. On the one hand, having my head bowed just so means that I don't need to make eye contact with the strangers around me, or they with me. On the other, there I am--again--shedding spontaneous tears. My pockets all contain folded squares of tissues at the ready. The soup was a mushroomy bisque. The text message had to do with logistics for the Frank Turner tickets I bought before we broke up. I knew he'd enjoy the show and I'd enjoy the front-row seats and access to the Foundation Room. Something for everyone. He texted me first, wanting to know if I was going to use them. Legit question--but I thought sticking them all by themselves on the fridge door was the unspoken way of saying, "take them, they're yours. And, by the way, this blows."
These "poor me" moments are frequent--but fleeting. There are "hell yeahs" interspersed in here, too, but they take a little extra encouraging. It's not instinctive--at least not for me--to look toward the bright side. It's a muscle, for sure--and something I've been working on for years. With a little coaxing though, the bright side is brilliant and blazing and vibrantly alive. Like those sunrises and sunsets where the sky looks like it is on fire--there's magic going on all around, if only we can look up to notice.
I was reminded of this today when reading Kris Carr's blog post about manifesting your desires. Getting what you want out of life--and then some--really starts with the power of observation. In that post, she suggests making a list labeled "Noticing"--and jotting down what, through the power of observation, you're calling into your life. Reflecting back on these last six-plus weeks, here is my list:
Noticing:
- An opportunity to find a new soul mate, fall madly in love, and life happily ever after
- An opportunity for more dogs to be rescued from shelters
- An opportunity to expand my circle of friends
- An opportunity to travel
- An opportunity to nurture myself with more rest
- An opportunity to read more and write more
- An opportunity to make my health and wellness a high priority
Like Dorothy Gale in dreamland, she had the power to go back home all along. And even before this break-up, all of these opportunities were in my power to achieve. But sometimes it takes a sudden and jarring journey--complete with legions of friendly and supportive people cheering you on from the sidelines--to learn some important (and perhaps very obvious) facts about yourself.
Soundtrack: "Somewhere Over the Rainbow"--but the version by Ted's band from Scrubs.
